Even though I don't know exactly who
   you'll be yet, I think of you often. I
   wonder how you're living your life now.
   It matters to me, you know, because how
   you live your life now determines the
   kind of person you're becoming . . .
   and the kind of person I'll spend the
   rest of my life with.

        Apparently, for some bizarre reason
   adulthood doesn't come automatically
   to us as teens. Some teens seem to spend
   their entire lives trying to "prove their
   manhood or womanhood" by hunting, playing
   sports, driving fast, shopping, using
   makeup, . . . and, unfortunately, by
   having sex. It seems rather strange to
   us christian teens that some teens think
   having sex proves they're a man or a
   woman. To us, it just proves that they've
   reached puberty. And we don't really
   consider that, in itself, to be any great
   accomplishment. Becoming a man or woman is
   a much more complicated process.

        The funny thing is, even in this day
   and age, most teens want to marry a person
   who respects ther sexuality. A man or woman
   doesn't like the idea of their future spouse
   in the back seat with someone else, or of
   them being the subject of a sexual conquest
   story in the locker room or lunch room.
   They'll brag about girls and guys like that,
   but they won't marry them. They want to
   marry a girl or guy, whether they have never
   "done it" or done it and regretted it,
   who recognizes that sex speaks the
   language of forever, committed love . . .
   someone like me.

        Why would I want to marry someone like
   that, someone who wants to marry a virgin
   but spends his dating years robbing other
   people of their virginity so that they can
   prove there manhood or womanhood? He's not
   a "real man" and she's not a "real woman"
   in my eyes---they are selfish, immature boy
   and girls driven by insecurity, not love---
   And I'm not interested.

        I want more from you. I want you to
   respect your sexuality as much as I respect
   mine. I want you to be a real, confident
   person, not a wimp who has to use women
   or men to feed there insecurity. A person
   like that couldn't use all of those other
   people and then suddenly love me. They may
   be "good" in bed, but they are not good at
   loving.

        I want you to learn to really love.
   Learning to love is learning to put the
   other first. A person who messes around
   outside of marriage isn't putting the
   good of the other first. There using
   people. . . speaking the "body language"
   of permanent commitment when the
   relationship isn't permanent. There
   putting the girl at risk of pregnancy,
   and they're putting themself at risk for
   some nasty diseases . . .and others
   at risk for diseases that can last
   a life time (with AIDS a short life
   time)or later give this disease to me.
   That's not making love. A real man or
   woman loves all people but only gives
   sexual love to their spouse and wants
   what's best for them. And they don't
   let their desires control their
   actions. They control their desires
   instead.

        I want you to develop self control.
   That's important to me. I don't want to
   marry a person who can't control himself.
   People like that make lousy husbands and
   wives. A person who isn't used to saying
   "no" to sex isn't going to be any better
   at it at 40 than they are at 16. I've
   seen adults who worry every time their
   husbands or wives go to work because
   they are working with  attractive
   people. I don't want that. What kind of
   marriage could I have with someone I
   couldn't even trust on a business trip?

        In the short run, I'm sure there
   aren't too many rewards for a person
   living this way. Society tells you that
   you're missing out on your "sexual peak."
   Your silence during the locker room
   bragging sessions can seem deafening.
   You may have even heard from the people
   you date that something must be "wrong"
   with you because you won't take them to
   bed. Deep down, you must know that having
   sex won't prove you're a man or a woman.
   It's just irritating that no one else
   seems to know it, isn't it?

        But somebody does know it. I know it,
   and in the end, I'm the only someone who
   matters.

        And no, I'm not as narrow-minded
   as those people who say they'll only
   marry a virgin. Society isn't too
   supportive of virginity, especially
   male virginity. I can forgive mistakes
   in your past. But I'm interested in your
   future, starting now. When I meet you,
   I want you to be a person who has made
   a conscious decision to wait . . . out
   of love for our future family and
   commitment to our marriage. I want you
   to be a real man or woman, who's
   developed the control, maturity and
   unselfishness that waiting brings.
   They may not be popular traits in the
   locker room or lunch room, but they're
   popular with me. They'll make you a
   better husband or wife, and a better
   father or mother. To me, that's sexy.

        I've abstained from sex all of these
   years, and it hasn't been from the lack
   of offers. I've had plenty of
   opportunities, and saying "no" hasn't
   always been easy. I'm sure it's not
   always easy for you, either. But it will
   make our marriage so much stronger. Sex
   will be our gift to each other, our
   exclusive "language."It'll belong to us,
   not "us and everyone else you ever dated."

          Thanks for waiting for me.
        I promise you won't regret it.